Pehea e hauʻoli ai kāu wahine

Na Matrimony Maemae - Kekemapa, 29th 2012

Eia ka hōʻuluʻulu manaʻo o ka puke “How to make your wife happy” by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed.

Nani Hookipa
Ma hope o ka hoʻi ʻana mai ka hana, kula, huakaʻi, a i ʻole ka mea i hoʻokaʻawale iā ʻoe:

• Begin with a good greeting.
• Start with Assalaamu ‘Alaykum and a smile. Salam is a Sunnah and a du’aa for her as well.
• Shake her hand and leave bad news for later!

ʻŌlelo ʻoluʻolu a me nā kono hoʻohiwahiwa

• Choose words that are positive and avoid negative ones.
• Give her your attention when you speak of she speaks.
• Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands.
• Call her with the nice names that she likes, e.g. kuu puuwai aloha, meli, saliha, etc.

Hoalohaloha a me ka lealea

• Spend time talking together.
• Spread to her goods news.
• Remember your good memories together.

Nā pāʻani a me nā mea hoʻonāwaliwali

• Joking around & having a sense of humour.
• Playing and competing with each other in sports or whatever.
• Taking her to watch permissible (halaal) ʻano leʻaleʻa.
• Avoiding prohibited (haraam) nā mea i kāu mau koho leʻaleʻa.

Kokua ma ka Hale

• Doing what you as an individual can/like to do that helps out, ʻoi aku ka maʻi a luhi paha.
• The most important thing is making it obvious that he appreciates her hard work.

Kūkākūkā (Sura)

• Specifically in family matters.
• Giving her the feeling that her opinion is important to you.
• Studying her opinion carefully.
• Be willing to change an opinion for hers if it is better.
• Thanking her for helping him with her opinions.

Kipa i kekahi

• Choosing well raised people to build relations with. He uku nui ke kipa ana i na hoahanau a me ka poe haipule. (ʻAʻole i ka hoʻopau manawa i ke kipa ʻana!)
• Pay attention to ensure Islamic manners during visits.
• Not forcing her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with.

Hana i ka wā huakaʻi

• Offer a warm farewell and good advice.
• Ask her to pray for him.
• Ask pious relatives and friends to take care of the family in your absence.
• Give her enough money for what she might need.
• Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, leka uila, palapala, etc..
• Return as soon as possible.
• Bring her a gift!
• Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night.
• Take her with you if possible.

Kākoʻo kālā

• The husband needs to be generous within his financial capabilities. ʻAʻole pono ʻo ia e hana ʻino i kāna kālā (ʻaʻole hoʻi hoʻomāunauna).
• He gets rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a small piece of bread that he feeds her by his hand (hadith).
• He is strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him.

Aala maikai a me ka nani o ke kino

• Following the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms.
• Always being clean and neat.
• Put on perfume for her.

Hoopalau

• It is obligatory to do it habitually if you have no excuse (ka mai, etc.)
• Start with “WL” a me ka duʻa ʻoiaʻiʻo.
• Enter into her in the proper place only (ʻaʻole ka anus).
• Begin with foreplay including words of love.
• Continue until you have satisfied her desire.
• Relax and joke around afterwards.
• Avoid intercourse during the monthly period because it haraam
• Do what you can to avoid damaging her level of Hiyaa (ka hilahila a me ke akahai) e like me ka lawe pū ʻana i kou ʻaʻahu ma mua o ka noi ʻana iā ia e hana mua iā ia e nānā ana.
• Avoid positions during intercourse that may harm her such as putting pressure on her chest and blocking her breath, ʻoi aku inā kaumaha ʻoe.
• Choose suitable times for intercourse and be considerate as sometimes she maybe sick or exhausted.

Kiaʻi Pilikino

Hōʻalo i ka hōʻike ʻana i nā ʻike pilikino e like me nā mea huna o ka lumi moe, kona mau pilikia pilikino a me nā mea pilikino ʻē aʻe.

Kōkua i ka hoʻolohe ʻana iā Allah

• Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray “Qiyaam-ul-Layl” (pule hou i ka po me ka sujood lōʻihi a me ka rukuʻua).
• Teach her what you know of the Qur’an and its tafseer.
• Teach her “Dhikr” (nā ala e hoʻomanaʻo ai iā Allah ma ke ʻano o ke kāula) i ke kakahiaka a me ke ahiahi.
• Encourage her to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a charity sale.
• Take her to Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so.

Hōʻike i ka mahalo i kona ʻohana a me nā hoaloha

• Take her to visit her family and relatives, ʻoi aku kona mau mākua.
• Invite them to visit her and welcome them.
• Give them presents on special occasions.
• Help them when needed with money, hooikaika, etc.
• Keep good relations with her family after her death if she dies first. Also in this case the husband is encouraged to follow the Sunnah and keep giving what she used to give in her life to her friends and family.

(Islama) Hoʻomaʻamaʻa & ʻŌlelo aʻo

Aia kēia:

• The basics of Islam
• Her duties and rights
• Reading and writing
• Encouraging her to attend lessons and halaqahs
• Islamic rules (hooponopono) pili i na wahine
• Buying Islamic books and tapes for the home library

lili mahalo

• Ensure she is wearing proper hijaab before leaving house.
• Restrict free mixing with non-mahram men.
• Avoiding excess jealousy.
  ʻO nā laʻana o kēia:
  1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading her speech by meanings that she did not mean
  2- Kāohi iā ia mai ka hele ʻana i waho o ka hale inā pololei nā kumu.
  3- Kāohi iā ia mai ka pane ʻana i ke kelepona.

Hoomanawanui a akahai

• Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal. What are wrong are excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital breakdown.
• Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah Subhaana wa ta’ala, ma ka hoopanee ana i ka pule, hoʻopunipuni, ke nānā ʻana i nā hiʻohiʻona kapu ma ka TV, etc.
• Forgive the mistakes she does to you.

Hoʻoponopono i kāna mau hewa

• Ka mua, ʻōlelo aʻoaʻo paʻa a maopopo i kekahi mau manawa.
• Then by turning your back to her in bed (e hōʻike ana i kou mau manaʻo). E hoʻomanaʻo ʻaʻole e komo kēia i ka waiho ʻana i ka lumi moe i kahi lumi ʻē aʻe, ka haʻalele ʻana i ka hale i kahi ʻē, a i ʻole kamaʻilio pū me ia.
• The last solution is māmā kuʻi (ke ʻae ʻia) iā ia. Ma keia hihia, e noonoo ke kane i keia:

• He should know that Sunnah is to avoid beating as the Prophet salAllaahu alayhi wa sallaam never beat a woman or a servant.
• Pono ia e hana i nā hihia koʻikoʻi o ka hoʻolohe ʻole, e.g. hōʻole pinepine i ka moekolohe me ke kumu ʻole, pule mau i ka manawa, ka haʻalele ʻana i ka hale no ka manawa lōʻihi me ka ʻae ʻole a hōʻole ʻole e haʻi iā ia i kona wahi i hele ai, etc..
• ʻAʻole pono e hana ʻia ke ʻole ma hope o kona huli ʻana mai kona wahi moe a kūkākūkā pū me ia e like me ka mea i ʻōlelo ʻia ma ka Qurʻan.
• ʻAʻole pono ʻo ia e paʻi ikaika iā ia me ka ʻeha, a i ʻole e paʻi iā ia ma kona mau maka a i ʻole ma nā wahi paʻakikī o kona kino.
• Pono ʻo ia e pale i ka hoʻohilahila ʻana iā ia e like me ke kuʻi ʻana iā ia me kahi kāmaʻa, etc.

kala kala a me ka hoʻopaʻi kūpono

• Accounting her only for larger mistakes.
• Forgive mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in Allah’s rights, e.g. hoopanee i ka pule, etc.
• Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake.
• Remember that all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as maybe she is tired, kaumaha, ka loaʻa ʻana o kāna pōʻai mahina a i ʻole e ulu ana kāna kūpaʻa i ka Islam.
• Avoid attacking her for the bad cooking of the food as the Prophet salAllaahu alayhi wa sallaam never blamed any of his wives for this. Inā makemake ʻo ia i ka meaʻai, ʻai ʻo ia a inā ʻaʻole ʻo ia a laila ʻaʻole ʻo ia e ʻai a ʻaʻole ʻōlelo.
• Before declaring her to be in error, e ho'āʻo i nā ala ʻē aʻe i ʻoi aku ka maʻalahi ma mua o nā hoʻopiʻi pololei
• Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings.
• When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have privacy from others.
• Waiting until the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control on your words.

ʻO ka hope loa, e ʻoluʻolu e hana Duʻa no ka mea kākau; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed, no ke kaikaina unuhi ʻo Abu Talhah a no ka mea loiloi ʻo Br. Adamu Qurashi. E hoʻomanaʻo ʻaʻole kēia he unuhi kūpono no laila e kala mai i kā mākou mau hewa a hoʻoponopono i kā mākou mau hewa. Na Haumana Mahometa’ Association University of AlbertaEdmonton, Kanada Feberuari, 1999.