Cov Muslim txiv neej nrhiav rau ib tug poj niam

Los ntawm Pure Matrimony - Lub Ob Hlis Ntuj, 1chaw nres tshe 2012

Cov Muslim txiv neej yeej xav los ntawm ib tug poj niam? Lawv ua li cas xwb?
Nrhiav?
Lawv attracted rau? …Vim li cas thiaj tsis lawv mloog?

Insha'Allah peb yuav tsum sim to taub dab tsi raws nraim cov Muslim txiv neej
nrhiav tej poj niam, thiab yog vim li cas thiab yog vim, feem ntau, Lawv tsis tau txais nws.

*Disclaimer: Npaum li cas ntawm cov nram qab no yog los ntawm ntau yam Islamic
kev tshawb fawb thiab los ntawm kev tshawb fawb. Qhov no tsis txhais hais tias tsis yog
siv tau rau tag nrho cov txiv neej, Tiam sis nws yog ib tug txheem. Tag nrho subheadings yog
noj raws li cov txheej txheem qhia. Ib txhia ntsiab lus yog ib co neeg laus
Ntaub.
Tsis txhob hais tias kuv tsis ceeb toom koj.

Bismillahi'Rahmani'Raheem. Vajtswv lub npe, nkaus
khuvleej, Merciful tshwj xeeb tshaj yog Merciful.

Pib nrog tug yawm saub Muhammad صلى الله عليه اللم nto moo lub neej
qhov tau teev tseg, Nws hais tias:
“Ib tug poj niam yuav sib yuav rau plaub yam, i.e., nws wealth, Nws
tsev neeg raws li txoj cai, Nws kev zoo nkauj thiab nws piety. Yog li ntawd, koj yuav tsum sib yuav
Tus poj niam pious txwv tsis pub koj yuav losers (koj txhais tes yuav
plua plav).” Narrated los Abu Huraira, Sahih Al-
Bukhari & Muslim (Phau 62:27, Lub neej sib yuav)
{Nyeem ntxiv ntawm lub neej Holy Criteria rau MUSLIMNESS}

Wb so no hadith cia.
1) WEALTH » Nws yuav txais thiab thov nej tsam ces nyob islamic
nyuas yuav muaj leejtwg nrog tib socio-economic
tom qab. Cov neeg yuav nplua nuj ntxhais ntawm businessmen tag nrho
lub sij hawm. Txawm tias nws yog ib hom hnov tias nyob rau sab qab teb
Neeg Esxias/African teb chaws txiv neej pressurise prospective poj niam thiab
Lawv tsev neeg rau siab dowries etc, Yog kis tsis khws pes tsawg ib Muslim
Tus txiv neej yuav purely vim nws tus poj niam yav tom ntej yog filthy nplua nuj. Nws
will have his own money, he’s not looking for a joint savings
account. Wealth is a great turn-on; it’s power, opportunity,
intimidating for some (for example if a wife earns more), Tiamsis
real wealth is not tangible. However much a woman or her
family earns does not reflect on what Muslim men are really
looking.

2) STATUS » During the Prophet’s ﷺ time status was
categorised into two.
1) “Nasab”, which means heritage and lineage. Just as women
hope to marry into ‘a good family’, Muslim men love the idea of
marrying into a ‘religious family’ – being connected to a woman
whose family have ethical commitments and she herself is
morally upright. 2) The other type of lineage is “Hasab”, which
is what the ancestors have done that distinguish the potential
partner. “Status” for contemporary Muslims can mean
popularity, Hwm, nto moo los yog achievements. Tej zaum peb yuav tau txais tej
Tsis muab tias kev ranking txhais tau tias tsis muaj dab tsi rau peb, Tiam sis nws muaj nws ib tug
sib txawv ntawm marrying tus ntxhais ntawm ib tug neeg ua teb thiab tus
ntxhais ntawm ib tug xibfwb, los yog ib tug poj niam uas yog ib tug neeg ua teb thiab
Lwm leej twg yog tus xibfwb. Cov Muslim txiv neej tsis siv
Raws li ib qho kev ntsuas zoo rau tej poj niam tab sis lawv ua
yuav nrhiav rau nws vim li cas prestige thiab cawv. Txiv neej
Yuav saib ib tug poj niam tam sim no ua hauj lwm ntawd seb nws yuav ua li cas
coj lawv lub neej los yog tsa lawv cov menyuam yav tom hauv ntej. IQ thiab
cwm pwm. Qhov no yog piav zoo ntxiv hauv qab no
(Pom: cwm pwm).

3) KEV ZOO NKAUJ » Tam sim no, rau txiv neej, marrying ib tug neeg rau nws kev zoo nkauj
“jamali ha” Yeej hlub thaum xub/ob/thib peb pom, thiab nws
tshwm sim – kev txij nkawm zoo li, Kuv txhais tau tias. Los yog nws yuav ua tau ib tug
deeper attraction which transcends into her “inner beauty”, Thiab
this happens too, cliché though it may be. Basically what
attracts a man most is a woman’s femininity. But the problem
here is that Muslim men do not know how to articulate this very
personal criteria appropriately. In the above hadith Prophet
Muhammad ﷺ is telling men that it’s o.k. to be captured by
outward attractions but to not fall in love with the ephemeral
nature of beauty. Initial attractions will be lost with ageing and if
there is no or little appreciation of a woman’s other non-sexual
assets, that marriage will breakdown pretty easily. This is why
women are drawn to a mans’ character first (inner beauty)
while most men require a visual beauty, that’s packed with
stimulating contents.

4) PIETY » When men say they are looking for “kev cai dab qhuas”
Cov poj niam lawv nyiam sib txawv heev. Tej zaum lawv yuav
Txhais hais tias cov poj niam yooj yim uas tsis hnav colours colours los yog ua raws li
fads; Tej zaum nws yuav qhia rau cov poj niam tsis orientated ntawm tus
ntiaj teb no tej khoom siv “dunya”, Tab sis cov txheej xwm tom qab tuag “akhirah”; nws
tej zaum yuav txhais hais tias ib tug poj niam uas twb tiav nws 5 yooj yim
pillars ntawm txoj kev ntseeg los yog ib tug uas hnav daim ntawv qhia txog H'N'J combo:
Hijab-Niqab-Jilbab. Los yog nws yuav txhais hais tias tag nrho cov saum toj no.
realistically, Txiv neej tsis paub yuav hais kom meej lawv pious xav-
npe. Tseem, Lawv vam tias lawv yuav tsum muaj kev cob cog rua Vajtswv
Nws lub neej txhua hnub sab nraum tej lus thov, As Well as tau paub txog cov
xwm txheej. Txiv neej yuav zuam tawm ib tug poj niam deen
straightforwardly, tiam sis nws tseem tsis tau dub thiab dawb li no mas,,
Uas tawm rov qab los outward kev zoo nkauj. Tej pob khoom yuav saib taus
kev cai dab qhuas, Tab sis tsis muaj kev sib tham rau kev txhawj xeeb thiab ambitions,
Tej zaum koj yuav tom qab nrhiav nws yog txog kab tshoob hnub thiab nkawm khau.

ib daim ntawv ceeb toom los ntawm sh. Yasir Qadhi,
“To taub cov lus tseeb ntawm lub neej thiab tej yam uas txiv neej ua tau
tag nrho koj tawm. Hais mav yog yooj yim heev; Lawv tsis txhawj li
Poj niam, Lawv tsis analyse los yog xav tias deb dhau lawm. Nws yuav coj ib tug
kev sib raug zoo. Rau cov txiv neej nws yog hais txog 'dab tsi yuav nws
ua rau kuv?’ Txiv neej xav tau kev pab los ntawm poj niam thiab muaj
qhov tseem ceeb – Nws hais tias nws yog 'tej yam uas nws ua rau kuv’
whereas cov poj niam yuav hais tias nws yog 'li cas nws ua rau kuv xav tias.’ mus rau
Muslim cov poj niam: Tsis txhob insulted los yog chim rau nws yog los ntawm Allah tus
Creation tias txiv neej yog txoj kev yooj yim thiab xav tau yooj yim.
Tau kawg muaj ib tug xav tau txoj kev hlub, Tiam sis nws tsi muaj ib qho
overriding xyoo.”
Lub 3Ds: Tsav, Txiav Txim & pov tseg
Thaum nws tseem tsis siab rau lawv daim ntawv teev, Nws yog tseeb tias txiv neej nrhiav tau ib tug
poj niam tsav, txiav txim thiab zog nyiam qualities nyob rau hauv
ib tug khub neej.

1) TSAV. Ib tug poj niam uas muaj ib tug zest rau lub neej nyhav kom muaj ib tug ntxiv
exciting muaj tshaj ib tug uas yog qhaib los yog afflicted nrog
sloth. Txiv neej pom cov poj niam tsav ua ib qho kev ntsuas ntawm lawv mus ob peb vas. Nws yog
ua tes hauj lwm, Nws yog tsab ntawv tsa suab, Nco ntsoov lawv tus kheej. Thiab tsis
kuj ceeb tias, Txiv neej xav tau ib tug poj niam nyob hauv ib feem ntau zoo ncej
siab.

2) TXIAV TXIM. Kev txiav txim yog ib qho admirable zoo
Uas qhia tau hais tias tus poj niam no yuav tsis muab txawm zoo li cas Allah
pov tseg rau nws. Nws yuav poob. Tab sis nws yuav tau txais. Nrog ntuj
instincts rau teeb meem-daws lawv tus kheej, txiv neej yuav tso cai rau cov txiv neej
yws (“nagging”) Tab sis tsis yog ib tug neeg uas muab rau txhua tus neeg
khuv.

3) POV XAUS LUB NEEJ. Ib pleasing disposition overlaps nrog suab
kev puas siab puas ntsws thiab ib qho yooj yim-rau-tau-nrog cwm pwm. Koj puas yog koj
Tus poj niam-rau-ib worrier los yog ib tug warrior? Yog nws tsis zoo siab thiab moody?
Nws puas tau nrog sawv daws? Raws li cov hadith saum toj no
qhia, Lub ntsej muag zoo nkauj thiab kev cai dab qhuas background yog excellent,
Tab sis lawv yuav tsis tas qhia seb nws tau yooj yim
tsim txom los yog cuajkhaum.

Thiab tam sim no, mus rau hauv daim ntawv teev cov npe.

• Tig
→ Peb txhais li cas los ntawm zoo li cas?
Rau cov txiv neej, Zoo li incredibly tseem ceeb thiab feem ntau yuav tab neeg
(txaj muag) Hais tias lawv xav tau ib tug neeg lawv yog lub cev
attracted rau. Hais tias ho, Txiv neej tsis txhawj xeeb
zoo li txhawj xeeb li cov poj niam yuav tau.

→ Tiab kev txiav txim zoo
Cov poj niam yuav tsis expecting ib qhov kev pab los ntawm ib tug txiv neej
Tsos – Nws zoo li yog ib tug lawm. Txiv neej rau lwm tus
tes yuav tsum tau visual solace, qhov muag (xijpeem koj xav hu
nws) Los ntawm ib tug Poj niam Muslim. Ib tug poj niam thiab dignified kev nthuav qhia yog
reassuring. mob(nurses), zoo ib yam li, Ib tug poj niam uas yuav 'ua hauj lwm nws’ pj's, ib qho
apron los yog tsawg theem ib stimulation. Txiv neej tos ntsoov rau pem hauv ntej
Uas qhia tawm lawv elegantly sophisticated poj niam, thiab
Khaws cov kev zoo nkauj yooj yim rau lawv tus kheej. Yog txiv neej yuav, Lawv
yuav hais: khaub ncaws yuav tsum qhia koj cov qoob loo. Nws yog ib rooj plaub ntawm
believing hauv dab tsi koj hnav.

→ Fertility, Stability & Purity
Visual attractions yog ib qhov zoo tshaj yuav rau txiv neej tsis tau qhov no
Zog tsis yog li cas voluptuous ib tug poj niam zoo lawm
los yog loj npaum li cas nws ob lub qhov muag yog. Tsom muab ib tug txiav txim zoo
fertility, stability thiab purity. Txiv neej ua analyse ib tug poj niam tiab
Dog dig thiab lawv nyiam stylish cov poj niam, txawm tias thaum twg los, txaw
Lawv tsis muab nws (qhov tseem ceeb: 'yooj yim'). may tu, uas yog, pleev xim rau,
Tsuas npog tau lub ntuj kev zoo nkauj ib tug txiv neej muaj siab: luag ntxhi
Thiab qab zib perfumes uas txiv neej nyiam 'xav tias'. Tau kawg nws yog ib tug
tshav ntuj (cov cev Vajtswv lus) tiab zoo heev rau koj tus khub
kev ua txhaum, Tab sis nyob rau hauv ib tug poj niam lub sij hawm ib zaug xwb-lub neej attire, txiv neej khaws
Cov ntaub ntawv tseem ceeb los ntawm qhov 'tiag tiag’ poj niam underneath. hauv
Luv, Muslim txiv neej saib sab nraud saib seb puas muaj
Ntuj femininity rau hauv.

• Muaj kev kawm ntxiv & hnub nyoog
→ Vim li cas hnub nyoog yog ib qhov zoo tshaj yuav
Tam sim no tias cov poj niam uas tau txais kev kawm ntawv qib siab degrees dua txiv neej
Raws li teb chaws Asmeskas Census, Thiab outperforming hauv lub UK
ua hauj lwm sector, Txiv neej nrhiav cov poj niam uas muaj ob yam leeg
txawj ntse thiab txawj ntse. Id est: nthuav thiab accomplished.

Age is a direct correlative to sexuality and fertility. While
estrogens (primary female sex hormones) impel women to
choose men who are assertive and powerful, androgens in men
ensure they look for youthful women and their apparent
childbearing abilities.

It is true that Prophet Muhammad ﷺ wanted us to have many
Menyuam. “Marry loving (passionate) and fertile women,” Nws
encouraged his Companions, “because I want to compete with
other nations (in size).” Thus sex for procreation has a reward
and an impact on the community unity. Ibn al-Jawzi said,
“Sexual intercourse (of two pious Muslims) brings the likes of
Imam Ahmad and Imam Shaf’i […] Yog Allah! Sexual intercourse
that produces such is better than a 1000 years of worship.”

Eager to continue their lineage, Muslim men look for women
who are ready to share those parenting roles. They see a
poj niam biological may ua ib yam dab tsi uas cov kev pab cuam
Ummah, Uas yuav coj lub luag hauj lwm ntawm nurturing me ntsis
Muslim, thiab muab tus txiv neej pw los tsim lawv.

→ Koj Tus Kheej baggage
Ntxiv rau cov hnub nyoog thiab cov hluas, thiab qhov no yog ib yam dab tsi los nco ntsoov rau
Poj niam – txiv neej nrhiav nyob ntawm seb cov cim. Txiv neej xav tau ib lub neej
Tus khub uas yuav txhim khu kev qha thiab kev ncaj ncees. Tus poj niam uas yuav sawv ntsug
Los ntawm lawv sab thiab defy sib nrauj. Tej uas peb kawm hauv zaj no pab tau peb li
Seb ib tug poj niam muaj peev xwm sawv tau ib tug txiv neej pob zeb thiab
Qhov no los ntsuam xyuas baggage.

Sawv daws muaj hnab nqa. Sawv daws cuam tshuam dab tsi yav tas los
Muaj tej yam kev nyuaj siab los yog tej phoojywg sib raug zoo nrog lwm tus;
Nws yog tus tab kaum ntawm tus neeg plig. Yog tus neeg pab leg ntaubntawv kom muaj neeg pab leg ntaubntawv kom muaj
lig unscathed, Lawv nyob hauv av av. Cov lus nug no
tsis seb ib tug neeg muaj baggage, tab sis li cas ib tug neeg kov
lawv lub hnab nqaj. Yog hais tias nws yog ib yam nkaus thiab hnyav heev nqa. Yog ib tug poj niam yog ib tug poj niam
crippled los ntawm nws yaam puab paub, Yog tsis zoo. Yog hais tias tag nrho nws yuav tham nrog
Hais txog nws phev heev thaum yau, txom nyem khiav ntaub ntawv,
kev sib nrauj – Nws yog cuab yav tag los. Nws tsis nqa
hnab nqaj, Nws yog dag underneath nws. Txiv neej: nrhiav ib tug poj niam
leej twg zoo heev nrog nws yav dhau los.

Txiv neej xav paub tej yam uas muaj zoo li tus poj niam
Nws yog hnub no, Tiam sis yog ib cov Muslim etiquette sib koom
tej ntaub ntawv qhia txog koj tus kheej ua ntej sib yuav. Muslims tshiab muslims nyob
yuav fim probing. Txawm hais tias muaj ib tug tsim nyog rau
muab keeb kwm yav dhau los thiab traumatic txheej xwm uas yuav muaj feem xyuam rau qhov
txij nkawm, Yog tsis muaj obligation mus spill qhov tseeb txog
txhua yam. Sawv daws lus dag. txiv neej pw, poj niam pw, Seb Cov Muslim
los yog tsis. Ua ib tug txiv neej koj tsis tau noj ib txoj hauj lwm absolutionist rau ib txoj hauj lwm
Poj niam uas admits ob peb yuam kev. Honest cov poj niam lees lawv
neeg txhaum.

Cov txiv neej tsis xav kom cov me nyuam mos liab. Lawv xav tau ib tug neeg
Leej twg nyob ib lub neej thiab paub yuav txhawb nws. Hais mav – Nws
Yuav tsum xav nyob rau hauv koj struggles thiab strivings. Nws yuav tsum tau
Koj kiv cua biggest thiab waving koj chij.

• Cwm pwm
→ Intellectuality Verses Education
Rau cov txiv neej, intellect thiab playfulness yog ob tug muaj siab
qualities rau cov poj niam. Txhua tus txiv neej nyiam muaj ib tug poj niam ntse
leej twg yuav tawm tswv yim thiab txhawb nws nyob rau hnub matters.
Kev kawm ntawv thiab intellect tsis tib yam. Tag nrho deep thinkers
Tag nrho deep thinkers
(!) Men are attracted to the women who appreciate their
thoughts, who are interested. Txoj kev ntse los nyob rau hauv ntau hom
ntaub ntawv – kev txawj ntse, kev txawj ntse, muaj tswv yim txuj ci,
los yog ib lub tswv yim txog kev xav – muaj ntau qhov chaw
txawj ntse. Txiv neej nrhiav ib tug poj niam uas yuav ntsib nws rau nws
intellectual theem. Ib tug poj niam uas yog exciting, leej twg yuav cam
Nws tab sis tsis overpower txhua sib tham.

Cwm pwm los ntawm Allah thiab ua cim yog moulded tawm hauv
nws. Txiv neej muaj attracted rau tus poj niam uas muaj ib lub neej ntawm nws tus kheej
thiab qhib rau kev nyuaj siab. Txoj kev zoo tshaj rau ib tug txiv neej mus kuaj
Seb cwm pwm meshes yog ua soj ntsuam thaum twg
sib tham. Xyuas seb rigidly koj txhais masculinity thiab
siab ntsws. Ib txhia txiv neej cia siab tias cov poj niam nyob kev lig kev cai
stereotypes ntawm feminine cwj pwm. Yog hais tias nws ua txhaum koj qhov chaws
womanhood los yog nws yog offended los ntawm koj tsis pom kev zoo, nrhiav
Txawv poj niam los yog recheck koj ideals. Rigidity is a sign of
insecurity.

→ The Funny Bone
Humour is far more important than most think it is. A man
doesn’t look for a ‘funny woman’ or one with a ‘good’ sense of
humour. He looks for a woman who laughs at the same things
he does. Some people cannot stand sitcoms, others have a
crude collection of jokes for the masjid after-party. It can be
alienating when a group is gripped by hilarity but you don’t find
that thing funny. Instead of feeling like a pariah, you want a
sense of belonging. Humour is a very basic response, unique
from person to person yet recognised the world over. A man
will say “I love to laugh”, to which a woman will respond, “mus rau
what? do you find everything funny?” And vice versa.
• Wealth
→ Women, Perfume And Prayer
The wealth of a woman is not in what she has, Nws yog dab tsi nws
pov hwm. Islam motivates txiv neej ntawm marrying cov poj niam uas muaj
taqwah (ncuav mog qab zib) Vim tias yog lub xeem ntawd kawg. Tiam sis, nws tsis yooj yim
Rau Muslims nrhiav tau nruab nrab av.

Feem ntau tsis Muslim txiv neej poob rau hauv extremes. Ib tug hais tias,
“Kuv tsis tu li cas nws zoo li cas, Kuv tsuas xav tau ib tug poj niam kev cai dab qhuas poj niam.’ Tag nrho
Muslim txiv neej hais qhov no. Lwm yam huab hais tias, “Kuv xav kom kuv hijabi
supermodel.” Lub unnatural tawm portrayal ntawm cov poj niam muaj ib tug
ib feem ua si hauv no. TV thiab luam tawm kev zoo nkauj
leej twg yog them mus nrhiav super-skinny nrog phais thiab
Photoshop. Txawm Cindy Crawford hais tias “Kuv xav tias kuv ntsia nyiam
Cindy Crawford!”

Tus tij laug, txawm koj tus poj niam zoo nkauj npaum li cas, Koj yuav muaj siab xav
ib yam dab tsi ntxiv. Cuab nyob hauv lub ntiaj teb uas temptations tsis
cease thiab txhua qhov muag xav tau cov forbidden txiv hmab txiv ntoo, ' Imaan (kev ntseeg) hauv
Allah is the only thing that will keep a Muslim grounded.
Prophet Muhammad ﷺ recognised this unquenchable desire,
saying to anyone attracted by another woman, “Go to your wife!
She has what she has!” (A note for polygamy, kab tias)

Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also said:
“Beloved to me from your world are women and pleasant
scents, and my greatest pleasure is in prayer.” (Ahmad)

In Islam, women are not sexual objects; granted they are
sexual beings, but their sexuality is not for sale or public
property. Men desire women more than women desire men
(read that again). Created with “Rahm”, Compassion, Thiab
carrying “ar-rahm”, the womb, women are naturally more family
orientated, closer to Allah and more loving. There is no shame
in being the woman Allah pre-ordained – unpretentious,
dignified, chaste. When Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said he loved
Poj niam, perfume and prayer, he was not separating one from
the other. He included their qualities and their effect upon one
another. A man who marries a woman with taqwah will be
inspired to pray, and therein lies the “greatest pleasure”
because it builds another bridge towards Allah – hence, “half
your deen”. By marrying, men therefore gain a means to
protect and express themselves lawfully,
“The Creator requires men to make more effort to reach
(women’s) degree of fitra.” – Abdal-Hakim Murad
• The All Important Connection
When you’re motivated by Allah, things fits into place. The
Prophet ﷺ said, “The best enjoyment is a righteous wife (Lossis
Tus Txiv).” There are some things in this world which, Thauj tw
benefitting us, we love them. The best coolness for eyes
though is salat (lus thov). Following up from the point above,
Thaum ob tug neeg yuav nrog lub tswv yim thiab tus cwj pwm, nws
Yog peb thov Vajtswv, peb yuav tsum ua tib zoo xav txog tej uas peb thov.
Txiv neej yog tus yooj yim creatures lawv yog tsis tas li ntawd, hnov qab
Lawv nyob nraum ua dab tsi.

Peb yam yuam kev rau compatibility
1) Kev ua niam txiv attraction – Cov teeb meem nrog kev ua niam txiv attraction yog tias
ob peb lub yuav tsum kawm tau ntawv zoo, Tiam sis nws tseem tsis txaus. Thaum nws yog tus
Haib tshaj plaws nws yuav zoo li yuav txaus. Thaum pib ntawm ib tug
Lub neej koj nyob nraum ntes tau hauv lub seev cev muaj siab thiab koj
“nyem” superficially. Tsib xyoos tom qab koj nyob nraum zaum uas ntsiag to staring ntawm
Sib hla lub rooj noj hmo ua du'a Allah muab koj
ib yam dab tsi zoo. Ua li cas? Vim txoj kev sib raug zoo ntawd yog raws li
Rau kev ua niam txiv attraction ib leeg kheej. Yog hais tias koj dhia hauv vim hais tias koj nyob nraum
pog, Tej zaum koj yuav las mees tus chij liab. Xws li…

2) Poob rau hauv kev hlub – Raws li qhov kawg tshuaj dawm, ntog hauv kev hlub yog
Tshwj xeeb tshaj yog rau cov txiv neej uas thaum koj poob rau
ib tug neeg, Koj tsis tu yog hais tias lawv hlub koj rov qab. Koj persist nyob rau hauv
Qhov no madness thiab xav tias lawv yuav tsum hlub koj rov qab. Yog hais tias tus hlub
tsis rov qab, Nws tsis yog ib qee. Lust yog hais txog 'Kuv', Nws yog selfish;
Hlub yog hais txog 'peb’ – Muab. Tab sis ib lub neej Muslim yog thaum kawg
Li Allah – hlub. Hlub rau dunya thiab neeg nkawd
nqa ib qho kev pom zoo los ntawm lub ntug: “tus neeg no zoo meej
Rau koj, Nws yog txoj kev nyob rau hauv txhua txoj kev tau. YUAV NWS TAM SIM NO.”
Nyob rau hauv kev hlub yog ib qho illusion ntawm compatibility. Tab sis koj yuav tsum tau
Xav tias muaj ib lub taub hau clearer kom tsis txhob muaj lub plawv li ib yam nkaus thiab,
Peb poob rau kev hlub nrog cov neeg tsis ncaj ncees lawm. Uas lawm 'hlub’
makes us forget what we’re looking for = a partner in crime.
For life.

3) Ideals – Another aspect men mistake for compatiblity is a
dream relationship for himself and his future wife. He wants a
type of relationship based on Prophet Muhammad ﷺ and
Khadija’s marriage, but he doesn’t know what type of woman
he wants. If we analyse the beautiful personality of Khadija we
see she carries 3 top characteristics of many working Muslim
Poj niam: Financial Independence, a managerial position and a
previous marriage. That is not the type of relationship most
men look for – but it is the type of woman our beloved leader
Khadija (ras) was. That’s the difference.

• What Muslim Men Really Need
It’s a large reality bite to swallow but at the crux of the
txij nkawm, a man is looking for what his wife can do for him,
Thiab 4 particular services she can provide. *Women ma women,
put your feminism away, take it as empowerment.

(4) Maintaining a home – Men look for and need a woman who
is adept at household chores. Washing, cooking and cleaning.
These are basic mothering services. Being able to cook
delicious food is what he really expects from his lady love. If he
loves your food, he will love you more. As the saying goes, qhov
way to a man’s heart is his stomach. Note that for women, qhov
exact same applies with different effects: men washing dishes
is like physical arousal for women. He’s at home, maintaining
the house together, pulling his weight, women love that effort.
Txiv neej, get your apron on!

(3) Men look for admiration – They want to be number one,
admired by their wife, respected. A man wants love from a
nagging-free woman. He will hate being told what to do and
what not to do. Respect has to be earned, nonetheless, Muslim
men expect their wives to hold a high regard of them. (Thiab tsis
mention their shortcomings and mistakes – men’s egos are so
large they have postal codes).

(3) Being left alone in solitude – Men need alone time to think
by themselves, to reflect, to not expose everything. Just as the
Prophet ﷺ spent time in a cave, Muslim men have a mental cave
in which they retreat to figure out a problem or recharge.
Women talk out their issues, while men want solace to find a
solution.
“Men don’t think too deep. Feed them, love them, give him
what he needs and he’ll be your slave.” – sh. Yasir Qadhi.

And the number one thing Muslim men look for in a wife. The
number one thing?

→ Halal sex ←
Shocking, isn’t it.

(1) Halal sex – Intimacy yog tus xwb nws tshaj plaws ib tug poj niam yuav
muab cov txiv neej muaj haib nyob ntawm seb cov txiv neej muaj haib nyob ntawm seb. Yog koj nrhiav
yos nyuas, Ib tug txiv neej tus tsom tau nws mus pw. Nws yuav ua tau
fulfil nws khoom xav, tej yam tshwm sim uas muaj adoration, tag nrho tej yam
kom nws ua raws li, Tab sis qhov no yog foreplay uas ua rau cov
kawg. pw ua ke. Tus maxim hloov: Txoj kev rau ib tug txiv neej lub plawv yog
Ib nyuag hauv qab no nws plab. Peb Muslim nyuas tsis nyiam
“lawv”. Peb tsis hnub, Peb tsis txhob muab peb tus kheej cob rau Yehauvas “Services” Nrog
paj thiab ib wink.
• Pw ua ke, pw ua ke, pw ua ke… Rualo, pw ua ke, pw ua ke
Nyob rau hauv cov Muslim sib yuav, Leej txiv neej thiab poj niam tus thawj xav tau yog
catered rau. Txiv neej crave intimacy thaum cov poj niam crave siab ntsws
tu. Txiv neej tus thawj xav tau guaranteed nyob rau hauv lub neej li Allah
stipulates nws rau ib tug poj niam, nyiaj txiag, kev hlub thiab kev txhawb
obliged rau txiv neej. Ib tug txij nkawm yuav tsum xav tau dab tsi, the other has to
give. A woman with this knowledge is in a powerful position as
technically, all she needs to “please” her husband is meet this
one need. These huquq (rights) are from Islamic Shari`ah and
unfortunately an area which Muslims haven’t educated
themselves on.

The consequences of this mean that women freak out at the
realisation of their husband’s sex drive, and men wonder why
their wives aren’t on an equal level. By the age of 18 most
Muslim men are aware of their sexuality, most Muslim women
are not. And so the limits, permissible methods of expression
and being aware of one’s body, is muddled up and too sensitive
a topic to discuss.

More on gender differences later insha’Allah.

A note for our brothers – sex is good, but sex is not god. ‘Good
sex’ is not enough, and a woman will enter a marriage with a
different agenda altogether.

Sex is the number 1 cause of tension in most marriages. The
reason being that the couple has a different take on what to
expect and give. li no, men are searching for a woman who is
aware in this department, a woman who knows and will learn
how to treat a man. Sisters: that’s you.

 

Love is action. You start ‘in love’ but you need to be ‘loving’ hauv
your relationship. All too often men expect to receive bedroom
thirlls without starting the fire as it were, (for want of a better
expression). As soon as you as a husband feed the needs of
your wife – even if it’s housework – you’ll see the increase in her
attention towards you. It’s an amazing circle of love which only
existed because of Allah.
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves
mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed
between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a
people who give thought.” (Qur'an, 30:21)

• Looking For Your Missing Turban
Clothing protects us from external elements, the sun and cold.
“Like a garment”, spouses protect one another from haram
elements in society. Pornography, illicit relationships and
degrading behaviour. Allah mentions the act of intimacy literally
as one spouse covering the other, a metaphor for a type of
beautification, without which, you are naked. And while the
magic of marriage and eternal sakoon (tranquility) feels far-
fetched in our grey days, the bond is incomparable to any other
pleasure.

‘Aisha (ras) Hais,
“I heard the Prophet ﷺ saying: ‘Souls are like conscripted
soldiers; those whom they recognise, they get along with, Thiab
those whom they do not recognise, they will not get along
with.’” (Sahih Al-Bukhari)

Tau qhov twg los: http://www.zaufishan.co.uk/2011/07/what-muslim-men-look-for-in-wife.html