Yini Amadoda AmaSulumane Ayifunayo Emfazini

Ngu Umshado Omsulwa - February, 1St 2012

Yini amadoda Muslim afuna ngempela kowesifazane? Benzani
Funa i?
Bakhangwa yini? …Kungani bengalaleli?

Insha'Allah sizozama ukuqonda ukuthi yini ngempela amadoda angamaMuslim
bheka kubafazi abangaba abafazi, futhi kungani, ngokujwayelekile, abawutholi.

*Umshwana wokuzihlangula: okuningi kokulandelayo kuvela ku-Islamic ehlukahlukene
izifundo kanye nomphumela wocwaningo. Lokhu akuqondile futhi
esebenza kuwo wonke amadoda, kodwa kuyindinganiso. Zonke izihlokwana zikhona
okufanele zithathwe njengeziqondiso ezijwayelekile. Okunye okuqukethwe ngabantu abadala
impahla.
Ungasho ukuthi angikuxwayisanga.

Bismillahi'Rahmani'Raheem. Egameni likaNkulunkulu, ngokuphelele
Enozwelo, ikakhulukazi Onomusa.

Kuqala ngomshado odumile woMprofethi uMuhammad ﷺ
imibandela, uthe:
“Owesifazane ushadile ngenxa yezizathu ezine, i.e., ingcebo yakhe, wakhe
isimo somndeni, ubuhle bakhe nokuzinikela kwakhe. Ngakho kufanele ushade
owesifazane ongcwele uma kungenjalo nizoba abalahlekile (izandla zakho zizokwenza
bagcwale uthuli).” Ilandiswa ngu-Abu Huraira, eSahih Al-
Bukhari & Muslim (Bhukha 62:27, Umshado)
{Funda kabanzi ngemibandela yoMshado Ongcwele kuBUSLIMNESS}

Ake sihlukanise le hadith.
1) INGCEBO » Kuyamukeleka futhi kuyakhuthazwa ngesiSulumane
isiko ukushada nomuntu onenhlalo-mnotho efanayo
ingemuva. Abantu bashada namadodakazi acebile osomabhizinisi bonke
isikhathi. Nakuba kuvamile ukuzwa lokho eNingizimu
Amazwe ase-Asia / ase-Afrika amadoda acindezela abazoba abafazi futhi
imindeni yabo ngamalobolo aphezulu njll, mancane amathuba okuba umSulumane
indoda izoshada nje kuphela ngoba umkakhe wakusasa unothile ongcolile. Yena
uzoba neyakhe imali, akabheke ukonga ngokuhlanganyela
i-akhawunti. Umcebo uwuvula kakhulu; kungamandla, ithuba,
okwesabisayo kwabanye (isibonelo uma inkosikazi ihola kakhulu), kodwa
ingcebo yangempela ayiphatheki. Noma kunjalo owesifazane noma yena
imali yomndeni ayibonisi ukuthi amadoda angamaSulumane ayini ngempela
bheka.

2) ISIMO » Ngesikhathi soMphrofethi ﷺ isimo sasikhona
ihlukaniswe kabili.
1) “Uhlu lozalo”, okusho ukuthi amagugu nozalo. Njengabesifazane nje
ngithemba ukushada ‘emkhayeni omuhle’, amadoda Muslim bayawuthanda umqondo
ukushada ‘emkhayeni ongokwenkolo’ – ukuxhunyaniswa nowesifazane
umndeni wakhe unesibopho sokuziphatha futhi yena ngokwakhe unjalo
ngokuziphatha kahle. 2) Olunye uhlobo lozalo “Hasab”, okuyinto
yilokho okwenziwa amadlozi okwehlukanisa ikhono
uzakwethu. “Isimo” ngoba amaSulumane angasho
ukuduma, inhlonipho, ukuduma noma impumelelo. Singakwazi
phika ukuthi izinga lomphakathi alisho lutho kithi, kodwa kukhona a
umehluko phakathi kokushada nendodakazi yomlimi kanye
indodakazi kaprofesa, noma owesifazane ongumlimi futhi
omunye onguprofesa. Amadoda amaningi angamaSulumane awasebenzisi
isimo njengesilinganiso sempumelelo kwabangase babe amakhosikazi kodwa benza kanjalo
bathambekele ekubhekeni kuyo ngenxa yezizathu zokuvelela kanye nomthelela. Madoda
uzobheka umsebenzi wamanje wesifazane ngokwendlela angenza ngayo
baziphathe emshadweni wabo noma bakhulise izingane zabo zakusasa. IQ futhi
ubuntu buhilelekile. Lokhu kuchazwa kangcono ngezansi
(bona: Ubuntu).

3) UBUHLE » Manje, okwamadoda, ukushada nomuntu ngenxa yobuhle bakhe
“jamali ha” ngokuyisisekelo uthando ekuqaleni/kwesibili/kwesithathu, futhi
kwenzeka – umshado osuselwe ekubukekeni, Ngisho. Noma kungaba a
ukukhangwa okujulile okudlulela kuye “ubuhle bangaphakathi”, futhi
lokhu kuyenzeka futhi, cliché noma kungenzeka. Ngokuyisisekelo yini
okuheha owesilisa kakhulu ubufazi bowesifazane. Kodwa inkinga
lapha ukuthi amadoda Muslim abazi kanjani ukuchaza lokhu kakhulu
indlela yomuntu siqu ngokufanele. Kule hadith engenhla uMprofethi
UMuhammad ﷺ utshela amadoda ukuthi kulungile. azobanjwa ngu
ezikhangayo zangaphandle kodwa ukungathandi i-ephemeral
imvelo yobuhle. Izinto ezikhangayo zokuqala zizolahleka ngokuguga futhi uma
akukho noma okuncane ukwazisa omunye wesifazane ongahlangene nobulili
amafa, lowomshado uzobhidlika kalula nje. Kungakho
abesifazane bakhangwa indoda’ uhlamvu kuqala (ubuhle bangaphakathi)
kuyilapho amadoda amaningi edinga ubuhle obubonakalayo, lokho kugcwele
okuqukethwe okukhuthazayo.

4) INKOKHELO » Uma amadoda ethi afuna “ezenkolo”
amakhosikazi ngamunye abhekisela ezimfanelweni ezihluke kakhulu. Bangase
kusho abesifazane abalula abangagqoki imibala egqamile noma balandele
izimfashini; ingase iqondiswe kwabesifazane abangahlosile
umhlaba wezinto ezibonakalayo “dunya”, kodwa izehlakalo emva kokufa “ekugcineni”; yona
kungase kusho owesifazane osemqedile 5 okuyisisekelo
izinsika zokholo noma oyedwa nje ogqoke i-combo egcwele ye-H'N'J:
I-Hijab-Niqab-Jilbab. Noma kungase kusho konke lokhu okungenhla.
Ngokweqiniso, amadoda awazi ukuthi angacacisa kanjani isifiso sabo esingcwele-
uhlu. Noma kunjalo, bathemba owesifazane oxhumene noNkulunkulu ku
impilo yakhe yansuku zonke ngaphandle kwemithandazo, kanye nokwazi ukuthi
uhlobo lwezinselelo zempilo. Amadoda avame ukuphawula i-deen yowesifazane
ngokuqondile kodwa alikho elimnyama nelimhlophe njengoba libonakala,
obuya ebuhleni bangaphandle. Iphakheji ingase ibukeke
ezenkolo, kodwa ngaphandle kwengxoxo ngokukhathazeka kanye nezifiso,
ungase uthole kamuva ukuthi imayelana nosuku lomshado nezicathulo.

Inothi elivela ku-sh. Yasir Qadhi,
“Ukuqonda amaqiniso okuphila nezinto abantu abazenzayo kungenzeka
uyakuphatha kabi. Abafana balula kakhulu; abakhathazeki like
abesifazane, abahlaziyi noma bacabange kusenesikhathi kakhulu. Uzothatha a
ubudlelwano kalula. Kwabesilisa kumayelana nokuthi 'angenzani
ngenzela mina?’ Amadoda afuna izinsiza zomzimba kwabesifazane nalapho
umehluko oyinhloko – uthi ‘yizinto angenzela zona’
kanti abesifazane bazothi ‘indlela angenza ngizizwe ngayo.’ Kuya
Abesifazane abangamaSulumane: ningathukwa noma nicasulwe ngoba ngekaAllah
ukudalwa ukuthi amadoda alula kakhulu futhi afuna izidingo eziyisisekelo.
Yebo kunesidingo sothando oluyinkimbinkimbi, kodwa akusiyo i
ukulangazelela okwedlulele.”
Ama-3Ds: Shayela, Ukuzimisela & Ukuziphatha
Nakuba ingekho phezulu ohlwini lwabo, kuyacaca ukuthi amadoda athola a
ukushayela kowesifazane, ukuzimisela namandla izimfanelo ezikhangayo ku
umlingani wokuphila.

1) SHAYELA. Owesifazane onomfutho wokuphila uvame ukuba nokuningi
ubukhona obuthokozisayo kunalowo obegodliwe noma ohlushwa
ubuvila. Amadoda abheka ukushayela kwabesifazane njengesilinganiso semizwa yabo. Kunjalo
isenzo, kungumnyakazo, kubakhumbuza bona ngokwabo. Futhi hhayi
ngokumangalisayo, amadoda akhetha owesifazane ngendlela evamile
kwengqondo.

2) UKUMISA. Ukuzimisela kuyikhwalithi encomekayo
okukhombisa ukuthi lo wesifazane ngeke alahle noma ngabe u-Allah
amjikijele. Uzowa. Kodwa uzovuka. Ngemvelo
imizwelo engokwemvelo yokuxazulula izinkinga ngokwabo, amadoda angabekezelela
abakhonondi (“ukubelesela”) kodwa hhayi umuntu oyekayo nhlobo
isithiyo.

3) UKULAHLWA. Isimo esijabulisayo sigqagqana nomsindo
impilo yengqondo kanye nobuntu obulula ukuzwana nabo. Eyakho
umfazi-to-kube okhathazekile noma iqhawe? Akajabulile futhi unenhliziyo embi?
Ingabe uyezwana nawo wonke umuntu? Njengoba hadith engenhla
iphakamisa, ubuso obuhle nesizinda sezenkolo kuhle kakhulu,
kodwa ngeke zisho ukuthi uthola kalula yini
ohlukumezayo noma onomhawu.

Futhi manje, ohlwini lokuhlola.

• Ukubukeka
→ Sisho Ukuthini Ngokubukeka?
Kwabesilisa, ukubukeka kubaluleke ngendlela emangalisayo futhi iningi lizophumela obala
(futhi ngokungenamahloni) bathi bafuna umuntu abayikho ngokomzimba
ukukhangwa. Esho kodwa, amadoda awakhathazeki kanjalo
mayelana nokubukeka noma ukukhathazeka ngendlela abesifazane abangaba ngayo.

→ Gqoka Inzwa
Abesifazane abalindele inkonzo ngendoda
ukubukeka – ukubukeka kwakhe okuhle kuyibhonasi. Amadoda ngakolunye
isandla sidinga induduzo ebonakalayo, uswidi wamehlo (noma yini ofuna ukuyibiza
yona) kunkosikazi ongumSulumane. Isethulo esifana nentokazi nesihloniphekile
eqinisekisayo. Ngokufanayo, owesifazane ongakwazi ‘ukusebenza’ kwe pj, i
iphinifa noma ngaphansi kuletha ukukhuthazwa okudingekayo. Amadoda abheke ngabomvu
bekhombisa amakhosikazi abo ahlakaniphile, kanye ne
bazigcinele ubuhle obulula. Uma amadoda ekwazi, bona
angasho: izingubo kufanele zibonise ukuzethemba kwakho. Kuyicala le
ukukholelwa kulokho okugqokayo.

→ Ukuzala, Ukuzinza & Ubumsulwa
Ukuheha okubukwayo kuyisici esiyinhloko emadodeni okwamanje
ukubukeka akukona nje ukuthi ukwakheka kowesifazane kunamandla kangakanani
noma makhulu kangakanani amehlo akhe. Ukubukeka kunikeza umqondo
ukuzala, ukuzinza nokuhlanzeka. Amadoda ayayihlaziya ingubo yowesifazane
bazizwa ngandlela-thile futhi benza njengabesifazane abasesitayeleni, noma nini
bayaphika (igama elingukhiye: 'lula'). Ukulungisa, leyo, upende wobuso,
kuphela imboza ubuhle bemvelo indoda ebufisayo: ukumamatheka
namakha amnandi amadoda athanda 'ukuwezwa'. Yebo kunjalo a
sunnah (isiko lesiprofetho) ukugqoka okumnandi kumlingani wakho
ebugebengwini, kodwa engutsheni yansuku zonke yowesifazane oyedwa, amadoda ayacosha
ulwazi olubalulekile oluvela 'kwangempela’ owesifazane ngaphansi. Ku
mfushane, Amadoda angamaSulumane abheka ngaphandle ukuze abone ukuthi kukhona yini
ubufazi bemvelo ngaphakathi.

• Okuhlangenwe nakho & Ubudala
→ Kungani Ubudala Buyisici
Manje njengoba abesifazane bathola iziqu zasekolishi ezingaphezu kwabesilisa
ngokusho kwe-US Census, futhi wenza kahle kakhulu e-UK
umkhakha wokuqashwa, amadoda afuna abesifazane bobabili
uhlakaniphile futhi ufundile. Leyo: kuyathakazelisa futhi kufeziwe.

Iminyaka yobudala ihlobene ngokuqondile nobulili nokuzala. Ngenkathi
ama-estrogens (amahomoni okuqala ocansi wesifazane) khuthaza abesifazane
khetha amadoda aqinile futhi anamandla, androgens emadodeni
baqinisekise ukuthi babheka abantu besifazane abasebasha kanye nalabo ababonakalayo
amakhono okuzala.

Kuyiqiniso ukuthi uMprofethi uMuhammad ﷺ wayefuna sibe nabaningi
izingane. “Shada ngothando (nothando) nabesifazane abavundile,” yena
wakhuthaza Abangane bakhe, “ngoba ngifuna ukuncintisana
ezinye izizwe (ngosayizi).” Kanjalo ucansi lokuzala lunomvuzo
kanye nomthelela ebunyeni bomphakathi. Kusho u-Ibn al-Jawzi,
“Ucansi (yamaSulumane amabili athembekile) iletha okuthandwa kwe
U-Imam Ahmad kanye no-Imam Shafi'i […] NgoAllah! Ucansi
okhiqiza okunjalo kungcono kune-a 1000 iminyaka yokukhulekela.”

Emagange ukuqhubeka nozalo lwabo, Amadoda angamaSulumane abheka abesifazane
abakulungele ukwabelana ngalezo zindima zobuzali. Babona a
ukwakheka kwezinto eziphilayo zowesifazane njengento ezuzisa i
Ummah, lokho kungathatha umthwalo wokukhulisa kancane
Muslim, futhi unikeze ubulili ukuze ubenze.

→ Umthwalo Womuntu Siqu
Ngaphezu kweminyaka nobusha, futhi lokhu kuyinto okumele uyiqaphele
abesifazane – amadoda abheka isimilo esinokwethenjelwa. Amadoda afuna ukuphila
umlingani ozobe ethembekile futhi ethembekile. Umfazi ozoma
ngasohlangothini lwabo futhi bawadelele amanani edivosi. Okuhlangenwe nakho kuyachaza
ukuthi umfazi ongase abe ngumfazi uyakwazi ukuba yidwala lendoda futhi
lokhu kwehlela ekuhloleni imithwalo.

Wonke umuntu unomthwalo. Wonke umuntu uthintwa ngokwedlule
isipiliyoni noma izinkinga nomndeni noma abangani noma ubudlelwano;
kungumthwalo womphefumulo womuntu. Uma umuntu ethi unjalo
engenamyocu ngokuphelele, bahlala ezweni la-la. Umbuzo uthi
hhayi ukuthi umuntu unomthwalo yini, kodwa ukuthi umuntu uphatha kanjani
umthwalo wabo. Ngaphandle uma inzima kakhulu ukuyithwala. Uma owesifazane
ekhubazwe yilokho abhekane nakho, akukuhle. Uma konke akwazi ukukhuluma
mayelana nobungane bakhe obubi, irekhodi elibi lobudlelwano,
isehlukaniso esibuhlungu – uvalelekile esikhathini esedlule. Akaphethe
umthwalo wakhe, ulele ngaphansi kwayo. Madoda: funa owesifazane
okhululekile ngomlando wakhe.

Men want to know certain things that have shaped the woman
she is today, however there’s a Muslim etiquette to sharing
personal information prior to marriage. New Muslims in
particular will face probing. Although there is a necessity to
share medical history and traumatic events that could affect the
umshado, there is no obligation to spill the bitter truth about
everything. Everyone lies. Men lie, women lie, whether Muslim
noma cha. As a man you cannot take an absolutionist position to a
woman who admits a few mistakes. Honest women admit their
ukungapheleli.

Men do not want to babysit their wives. They want someone
who’s lived a life and knows how to support him. Guys – she
should be interested in your struggles and strivings. She should
be your biggest fan and waving your flag.

• Personality
→ Intellectuality Verses Education
Kwabesilisa, ubuhlakani nokudlala yizinto ezimbili ezifiswa kakhulu
izimfanelo kwabesifazane. Wonke umuntu wesilisa uthanda ukuba nomfazi ohlakaniphile
ongameluleka futhi ameseke ezindabeni zansuku zonke.
Imfundo nobuhlakani akuyona into efanayo. Bonke abacabangi abajulile
abanawo amadigri futhi abafundi abaningi abathweswe iziqu ze-PhD abacabangi nhlobo
(!) Abesilisa bakhangwa abesifazane ababazisayo
imicabango, abanentshisekelo. Intelligence iza ngezindlela ezahlukene
amafomu – ikhono elinengqondo, ubuhlakani bemizwa, ithalente lokudala,
noma umcabango wesayensi – zikhona izindawo eziningi
ubuhlakani. Amadoda afuna owesifazane ongahlangana naye kweyakhe
izinga lobuhlakani. Owesifazane othakazelisayo, ngubani ongaphonsela inselelo
yena kodwa angehlule zonke izingxoxo.

Ubuntu buvela ku-Allah futhi isimilo sibunjwa
yona. Abesilisa bakhangwa owesifazane onempilo yakhe
futhi ivulekele ukuvumelana. Indlela engcono kakhulu yokuhlola indoda
kungakhathaliseki ukuthi i-meshes yobuntu iwukwenza imibono lapho
ukuxhumana. Hlola ukuthi ubuchaza ngokuqinile kangakanani ubudoda kanye
ubufazi. Amanye amadoda alindele ukuthi abesifazane baphile isiko
ama-stereotypes wezindima zabesifazane. Uma ephula ikhodi yakho ye
ubufazi noma ucasulwe umbono wakho, bheka a
owesifazane ohlukile noma uhlole kabusha izimiso zakho. Ukuqina kuwuphawu lwe
ukungazethembi.

→ Ithambo Elihlekisayo
Amahlaya abaluleke kakhulu kunalokho abaningi abakucabangayo. Indoda
akabheki ‘owesifazane ohlekisayo’ noma one ‘okuhle’ umqondo we
amahlaya. Ubheka owesifazane ohleka izinto ezifanayo
uyakwenza. Abanye abantu abakwazi ukumelana nama-sitcom, abanye bane-a
iqoqo elingcolile lamahlaya e-masjid after-party. Kungaba njalo
ukuhlukanisa uma iqembu libanjwe ukuhleka kodwa ungatholi
into ehlekisayo leyo. Esikhundleni sokuzizwa njenge-pariah, ufuna a
umuzwa wokuba ngowabanye. Amahlaya iyimpendulo eyisisekelo kakhulu, eyingqayizivele
kusuka kumuntu kuye komunye nokho owaziwa emhlabeni wonke. Indoda
uzosho “Ngiyakuthanda ukuhleka”, lapho owesifazane ezophendula, “ku
ini? uthola yonke into funny?” Futhi ngokuphambene.
• Umcebo
→ Abesifazane, Amakha Nomthandazo
Ukuceba kowesifazane akukho kulokho anakho, kukulokho yena
ivikela. I-Islam igqugquzela amadoda ukuthi ashade nabesifazane
taqwah (ukuhlonipha uNkulunkulu) ngoba yilokho okuhlala njalo. Nokho, kunzima
ukuze amaSulumane athole indawo ephakathi.

Ngokuvamile kunamadoda angamaSulumane awela ngokweqile. Omunye uthi,
“Angikhathali ukuthi ubukeka kanjani, Ngifuna owesifazane okholwayo kuphela.’ Konke
Amadoda angamaSulumane asho lokhu. Omunye oweqisayo uthi, “Ngifuna i-hijabi yami
i-supermodel.” Ukuvezwa kwabezindaba okungezona ezemvelo kwabesifazane kune
ingxenye okufanele uyidlale kulokhu. Ithelevishini nokuphrinta kuhlanza ubuhle
izifebe ezikhokhelwa ukubukeka super-isikhumba ngokuhlinzwa futhi
I-Photoshop. Ngisho noCindy Crawford wathi “Ngifisa sengathi ngiyathandwa
UCindy Crawford!”

Mfowethu, noma ngabe umuhle kanjani umkakho, uzofuna
Okunye. Uvaleleke ezweni lapho izilingo zingenakho
khawume futhi wonke amehlo afuna isithelo esinqatshelwe, 'Woza (ukholo) phakathi
U-Allah ukuphela kwento ezogcina i-Muslim igxilile.
UmProfethi uMuhammad ﷺ wasibona lesi sifiso esingacimeki,
ethi kunoma ubani okhangwe omunye wesifazane, “Hamba kumkakho!
Unakho anakho!” (Inothi lesithembu, mhlawumbe)

Umprofethi Muhammad ﷺ naye wathi:
“Abathandwa kimi abavela emhlabeni wakho bangabantu besifazane futhi bayathandeka
amakha, futhi intokozo yami enkulu iwukuthandaza.” (U-Ahmad)

E-Islam, abesifazane abazona izinto zocansi; bavunyelwe
izidalwa zocansi, kodwa ubulili babo abuthengiswa noma abukho esidlangalaleni
impahla. Amadoda afisa abesifazane ngaphezu kwabesifazane abafisa amadoda
(funda lokho futhi). Idalwe nge “Rahm”, Ububele, futhi
ethwele “ar-rahm”, isibeletho, abesifazane ngokwemvelo bawumndeni owengeziwe
ngaqondiswe, ukusondela kuAllah nothando. Awekho amahloni
ekubeni ngowesifazane uAllah ammisela ngaphambili – ongenasizotha,
enesithunzi, msulwa. Lapho uMprofethi uMuhammad ﷺ ethi uyathanda
abesifazane, amakha nomkhuleko, wayengahlukanisi omunye
omunye. Wahlanganisa izimfanelo zabo nomthelela wazo koyedwa
omunye. Indoda eshada nowesifazane onetaqwah iyoba
ugqozi lokuthandaza, futhi kulele lapho “injabulo enkulu”
ngoba lakha elinye ibhuloho elibheke kuAllah – ngakho, “ingxenye
idini lakho”. Ngokushada, ngakho-ke amadoda azuza indlela yoku
zivikele futhi uziveze ngokusemthethweni,
“UMdali ufuna abantu benze umzamo owengeziwe ukuze bafinyelele
(Ezabesifazane) izinga le-fitra.” – Abdal-Hakim Murad
• Ukuxhumana Okubalulekile Konke
Lapho ugqugquzelwa nguAllah, izinto zingena endaweni. I
Wathi uMprofethi ﷺ, “Intokozo engcono ngumfazi olungileyo (noma
umyeni).” Kukhona ezinye izinto kulo mhlaba, nini
esizuzisayo, siyabathanda. Ukuphola okungcono kakhulu kwamehlo
nakuba i-salat (umthandazo). Ukulandela kusuka ephuzwini elingenhla,
lapho abantu ababili beshada ngenjongo nesimo sengqondo esifanele, yona
iba isenzo esinomvuzo futhi ilethe ukuthula okufana nomthandazo.
Amadoda ayizidalwa ezilula nokho, uzokhohlwa
abakwenzayo.

Izinto ezintathu ezenza iphutha ngokuhambisana
1) Ukukhangwa ucansi – inkinga ngokukhangwa ngokocansi yilokho
imibhangqwana kufanele iphumelele, kodwa akwanele. Njengoba yayo
elinamandla kunawo wonke lingabonakala lanele. Ekuqaleni kwe-a
umshado ubanjwe umdanso wesifiso nawe
“chofoza” ngokukha phezulu. Eminyakeni emihlanu kamuva uhlezi ugqolozele
omunye nomunye etafuleni lesidlo sakusihlwa ukwenza i-du`a Allah akunika yona
okuthile okungcono. Kungani? Ngoba lobo budlelwano babusekelwe
mayelana nokukhangwa ucansi kuphela. Uma ungena nje ngoba ukhona
ejabulile, ungase ungazinaki amafulege abomvu. Njenge…

2) Ukuwela othandweni – njengohambo lokugcina lwezidakamizwa, ukungena othandweni
kuyingozi ikakhulukazi kwabesilisa ngokuthi uma uwa
umuntu, awunandaba noma bayakuthanda futhi. Uyaphikelela
lomsangano nokuzizwa kufanele bakuthande futhi. Uma uthando
ayibuyiswa, akuyona inhlekelele. Inkanuko imayelana 'nami', kuwubugovu;
uthando lumayelana ‘nathi’ – ukupha. Kodwa umshado wamaSulumane ekugcineni
ngoAllah – ukuthola uthando. Uthando lwe-dunya nabantu lubonakala
ukuthwala imvume evela endaweni yonke: “lo muntu uphelele
kwakho, ulungile ngayo yonke indlela. MSHADE MANJE.”
Ukuba sothandweni kuthwala inkohliso yokufanelana. Kodwa udinga
cabanga ngekhanda elicacile ukugwema inhliziyo ephukile kaningi,
sithandana nabantu abangalungile. Lowo muzwa ‘wothando’
kusenza sikhohlwe esikufunayo = umlingani ebugebengwini.
Okwempilo.

3) Okuhle – Esinye isici amadoda iphutha ukuhambisana kuyinto a
ubuhlobo amaphupho yena kanye nomkakhe wesikhathi esizayo. Ufuna a
uhlobo lobudlelwano obusekelwe kuMprofethi uMuhammad ﷺ kanye
Umshado kaKhadija, kodwa akazi ukuthi hlobo luni lowesifazane
ufuna. Uma sihlaziya ubuntu obuhle bukaKhadija thina
bheka uyathwala 3 izici eziphezulu zamaSulumane amaningi asebenzayo
abesifazane: Ukuzimela Kwezezimali, isikhundla sokuphatha kanye a
umshado odlule. Lolo akulona uhlobo lobudlelwano kakhulu
amadoda abheke – kodwa wuhlobo lowesifazane ongumholi wethu esimthandayo
Khadija (ngaphandle) kwaba. Yilowo umehluko.

• Lokho Amadoda AmaSulumane Akudingayo Ngempela
Kuwukulunywa okukhulu kweqiniso ukugwinya kodwa ku-crux of the
umshado, indoda ibheka lokho umkayo angayenzela yona,
futhi 4 amasevisi athile anganikeza. *abesifazane ma abesifazane,
susa ubufazi bakho, kuthathe njengokunika amandla.

(4) Ukunakekela ikhaya – Amadoda afuna futhi adinga owesifazane
unekhono emisebenzini yasekhaya. Ukugeza, ukupheka nokuhlanza.
Lezi yizinsizakalo zomama eziyisisekelo. Ukwazi ukupheka
ukudla okumnandi yilokho akulindele ngempela kunkosikazi wakhe wothando. Uma yena
uthanda ukudla kwakho, uzokuthanda kakhulu. Njengoba isisho sihamba, i
indlela yenhliziyo yomuntu yisisu sakhe. Qaphela lokho kwabesifazane, i
okufanayo ncamashi kusebenza ngemiphumela ehlukene: amadoda egeza izitsha
kufana nokuvusa inkanuko kwabesifazane. Usekhaya, ukugcina
indlu ndawonye, edonsa isisindo sakhe, abesifazane bayawuthanda lowo mzamo.
Madoda, gqoka iphinifa lakho!

(3) Amadoda afuna ukutuswa – Bafuna ukuba inombolo eyodwa,
bethakaselwa unkosikazi wabo, ehlonishwayo. Indoda ifuna uthando ku-a
owesifazane ongenalutho. Uzozonda ukutshelwa ukuthi enzeni futhi
okungafanele ukwenze. Inhlonipho kufanele izuzwe, noma kunjalo, Muslim
amadoda alindele ukuba abafazi bawo babahloniphe kakhulu. (Futhi hhayi
yisho ukushiyeka namaphutha abo – imizwa yamadoda injalo
ezinkulu banamakhodi eposi).

(3) Ukusala yedwa – Amadoda adinga isikhathi sodwa sokucabanga
ngokwabo, ukuzindla, ukungavezi konke. Njengoba nje
Umprofethi ﷺ wachitha isikhathi emhumeni, Amadoda angamaSulumane anomhume ngokwengqondo
lapho bahlehla khona ukuthola inkinga noma ukushajwa kabusha.
Abesifazane bakhuluma ngezinkinga zabo, kuyilapho amadoda efuna induduzo ukuthola a
isisombululo.
“Amadoda awacabangi ajule kakhulu. Baphakele, bathande, mnike
akudingayo futhi uzoba yisigqila sakho.” – Sh. Yasir Qadhi.

Futhi inombolo eyodwa amadoda Muslim ayibheka unkosikazi. I
inombolo eyodwa?

→ Ucansi lwe-Halal ←
Kuyashaqisa, kodwa abazali bakhe bacasuka bamtshela ukuthi bazombopha ngisho nokucabanga ngakho ngoba kwakudingekile ukuba abe udokotela ngaphambi kokuthuthela emzini womyeni wakhe..

(1) Ucansi lweHalal – Ukusondelana ukuphela kwento eyingqayizivele owesifazane angayenza
hlinzeka amadoda ancike kakhulu kuwo. Uma ubheka
isiko lokuthandana, inhloso yendoda ukumfaka embhedeni. Uzokwenza
ukufeza izidingo zakhe ezibonakalayo, khombisa izimpawu zokudumisa, zonke izinto
ukumenza athobele, kodwa lokhu kumane kuyi-foreplay eholela ku
umgomo wokugcina. Ucansi. Isilinganiso siyashintsha: indlela eya enhliziyweni yomuntu
ngaphansi kancane kwesisu sakhe. Isiko lethu lamaSulumane alifani
“eyabo”. Asiqomi, asilahli okwethu “amasevisi” nge
izimbali nokucwayiza.
• Ucansi, Ucansi, Ucansi… Zamula, Ucansi, Ucansi
Emshadweni wamaSulumane, kokubili amadoda nabesifazane isidingo esiyinhloko
kubhekelelwe. Abesilisa balangazelela ukusondelana kuyilapho abesifazane befuna ngokomzwelo
ukunakekela. Isidingo sokuqala samadoda siqinisekisiwe emshadweni njengo-Allah
ikubeka kumfazi, nokunethezeka ngokwezimali, uthando nokusekela
ubophekile emadodeni. Okudingwa umlingani oyedwa, omunye kufanele
nika. Owesifazane onalolu lwazi usesikhundleni esinamandla njengo
ngokobuchwepheshe, konke akudingayo “kwafika abakhongi kwenye indlu bacela ukudla” umyeni wakhe uhlangana nalokhu
isidingo esisodwa. Lezi zinqunu (amalungelo) zivela ku-Islamic Shari`ah kanye
ngeshwa indawo amaSulumane angazange ayifundise
baqhubeke.

Imiphumela yalokhu isho ukuthi abesifazane bayatatazela
ukufeza isifiso sobulili somyeni wabo, futhi amadoda ayazibuza ukuthi kungani
abafazi babo abekho ezingeni elilinganayo. Ngeminyaka yobudala 18 iningi
Amadoda angamaSulumane ayazi ngobulili bawo, iningi labesifazane abangamaSulumane
azizona. Futhi ngakho imikhawulo, izindlela ezivumelekile zokukhuluma
nokuqaphela umzimba womuntu, ididekile futhi iyazwela kakhulu
isihloko okuzoxoxwa ngaso.

Okuningi ngokwahlukana kobulili kamuva insha'Allah.

Incwadi kubafowethu – ucansi luhle, kodwa ubulili abuyena unkulunkulu. ‘Kuhle
ucansi’ akwanele, futhi owesifazane uyongena emshadweni nge
i-ajenda ehlukene ngokuphelele.

Ucansi inombolo 1 imbangela yokungezwani emishadweni eminingi. I
isizathu siwukuthi umbhangqwana unokuthatha okuhlukile kokuthi yini okufanele uyenze
lindela futhi unikeze. Ngakho, amadoda afuna owesifazane
uyazi kulo mnyango, owesifazane owaziyo futhi ozofunda
indlela yokuphatha indoda. Osisi: nguwe lowo.

 

Uthando luyisenzo. Uqala ‘othandweni’ kodwa udinga ‘ukuthanda’ phakathi
ubudlelwano bakho. Ngokuvamile amadoda alindele ukuthola igumbi lokulala
ukuthuthumela ngaphandle kokubasa umlilo njengokungathi, (ngokufuna okungcono
isisho). Njengoba nje wena njengomyeni wondla izidingo ze
umkakho – noma ngabe kungumsebenzi wasekhaya – uzobona ukwanda kwakhe
ukunaka kuwe. Kungumbuthano omangalisayo wothando okuyinto kuphela
kwaba khona ngenxa kaAllah.
“Futhi ezibonakalisweni zaKhe ukuthi Wakudalela ngokusuka kinina
abangane bomshado ukuze uthole ukuthula kubo; futhi Wabeka
phakathi kwenu uthando nesihawu. Ngempela kulokho kukhona izibonakaliso a
abantu abacabangayo.” (I-Qur'an, 30:21)

• Ukufuna Isigqoko Sakho Esilahlekile
Izingubo zisivikela ezintweni zangaphandle, ilanga namakhaza.
“Njengengubo”, abashadile bayavikelana ku-haram
izakhi emphakathini. Izithombe zobulili ezingcolile, ubudlelwano obungekho emthethweni kanye
ukuziphatha okwehlisa isithunzi. U-Allah ukhuluma ngesenzo sokusondelana ngokwezwi nezwi
njengomngane womshado emboza omunye, isingathekiso sohlobo lwe
ubuhle, ngaphandle kwalokho, unqunu. Futhi ngenkathi i
umlingo womshado kanye ne-sakoon yaphakade (ukuthula) uzizwa kude-
elandwa ezinsukwini zethu ezimpunga, isibopho asinakuqhathaniswa nanoma yisiphi esinye
injabulo.

‘Aisha (ngaphandle) kusho,
“Ngezwa uMprofethi ﷺ ethi: ‘Imiphefumulo ifana nabantu ababuthiwe
amasosha; labo ababaqaphelayo, bayezwana, futhi
labo abangabazi, ngeke bahlangane
kanye.’” (Sahih Al-Bukhari)

Umthombo: http://www.zaufishan.co.uk/2011/07/what-muslim-men-look-for-in-wife.html